<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Perseverance Over Pride by ReclessAbandon</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747365">Perseverance Over Pride</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReclessAbandon/pseuds/ReclessAbandon'>ReclessAbandon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Self-Doubt, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, fic request</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:48:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReclessAbandon/pseuds/ReclessAbandon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You attempt to repair Cal's lightsaber, at his request. However, your confidence deteriorates and turns into desperation failed attempt after failed attempt, making you question your sole capability as a Jedi.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cal Kestis/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted in my Tumblr @veron-argentum since it was a fic request via ask box.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The roar of the Jotaz can be heard in the entire crash site.</p><p>As if one wasn’t already enough, a swarm of Scazz popped out of their burrows and joined in. You and Cal were already busy in dealing with the larger enemy, the least you could do was Force-push the vermin away for the meantime.</p><p>“[Y/N], DUCK!”</p><p>You ducked and rolled away from his general direction, he sears the Jotaz’s arm that was supposed to be a heavy strike for you—once again, you were saved by Cal’s quicker reflexes. You finished it off by crippling the sack of blubber’s hind leg, the result made the creature stagger and Cal finally drove his lightsaber across its rotund belly.</p><p>It gave one last ear-shattering howl before falling dead on the ground. You’re still lying on your back, propping yourself on one wobbly elbow as you stared at the motionless Jotaz, gasping for air as you register the fact that it almost had you if it weren’t for Cal.</p><p>A hand appeared in your periphery, you looked up and saw Cal. You clutched his forearm as he did you, then pulled you up back on your feet.</p><p>“Thanks,” you gasped.</p><p>“Don’t mention it,”</p><p>Before Cal would clip his hilt on his belt, you heard the tiniest crackle. Quickly, your eyes were searching for the sound until you saw little sparks emitting from Cal’s saber. You exclaimed which immediately caught his attention, he followed the direction of your eyes and saw that his hilt had been severely damaged.</p><p>“Aww crap…” Cal hissed, unclipping it again and cradled it in his hands. His eyes shifted between you and his broken lightsaber. “Could… Could you… fix it this time?”</p><p>At a loss for words, you shot him a surprised and puzzled look.</p><p>“I… I busted my soldering iron, and I’ve been meaning to get a spare, but I couldn’t find in any of the workbenches we’ve passed by,” he added.</p><p>He places the hilt on your hands, you brought it closer to you for examination. You looked around the place and saw that the two of you were in the middle of the crash site by the lake.</p><p>“Well, all of the workbenches are obviously far from here. The safest is back at the Mantis. We’re gonna have to go through the ice caves again,”</p><p>He groaned jokingly, you playfully cup his cheeks and ran your thumbs across them.</p><p>“Oh, come on, you big baby!”</p><p>“<em>Your </em>big baby,”</p><p>You scoffed coyly and motioned to him to follow you.</p><p>With Cal unable to fend for himself, the least he could do was use his Force abilities, but using them still take a toll on him, rendering him fully incapable of combat. You take the lead, taking down anything that stands in the way between the both of you and the elevator.</p><p>“Look, the Jedi are here!”</p><p>“Take cover!” you cry out, slipping behind the rock walls as the torpedo ejects from the barrel of the launcher.</p><p>Thanks to his quick reflexes, Cal easily lifted one of the cargo boxes and threw it to the Stormtrooper reloading the rocket launcher in a panic. The two of you bolted towards the elevator, jumping across the Stormtrooper’s incapacitated body, and then stomped on the pressure plate to make the elevator work.</p><p>For the duration of the elevator ride, while catching your breath, you took another good long look at the broken lightsaber. The sparks have ceased to spew from the hilt’s insides, but the ends of the wires are cooked and have crumpled out of shape.</p><p>“The Jotaz sure did a number on the old thing,” you weighed the saber on your hand up and down.</p><p>“If Master Tapal would see that now, he’d <em>really</em> give me a scolding,”</p><p>“Has he ever scolded you before?”</p><p>Cal jokingly extended and then curled his fingers on both of his hands, “I don’t exactly have enough digits in my hands to count all the times that he did.”</p><p>His joke warranted a chuckle out of you.</p><p>“Quite the troublemaker, are you?”</p><p>“Eh, can’t avoid it even if I wanted to,” he shrugged and did his trademark stance with his hands on his waist while slightly shifting his weight on one leg.</p><p>“I thought you liked bad boys,” he added.</p><p>You scoffed as you coyly rolled your eyes to fix them at him, and there he was glancing back at you, you notice his eyes moving up and down—examining your entire person. You looked away, still smiling.</p><p>The elevator rumbled a hollow <em>clang</em> sound as it stopped for the doors to open. The way back to the Mantis wasn’t long enough. The shortcut from the ice caves to the landing pad was just a hop, skip, and a jump away. A pair of Scazz hissed and hunched their backs at the sight of you and Cal, but they lasted only ten seconds by your blade.</p><p>You finally got to the landing pad and met with the others.</p><p>“Back so soon?”</p><p>You presented the broken lightsaber in front of Cere as an answer. For good measure, you even tried to switch it on—the emitter flashed the beam for only five seconds before it was totally busted.</p><p>“Ah, I see,”</p><p>Upon entering the ship, Cal helped himself with a cup of water while you readily strode into the room but Cal snatched you by the hand and stopped you in your tracks.</p><p>“Whoa, hey, slow down there! There’s no rush on fixing that,”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Sweetie, we barely had time to <em>really</em> catch our breaths,”</p><p>You rolled your eyes pensively, “Now that you’ve mentioned it—it kinda seems that way.”</p><p>“It’s about time we take a breath, don’t you think so?”</p><p>You set down the busted lightsaber and Cal slowly reeled you in, letting you sit on his lap, whilst you gingerly combed his silken, ginger hair. He mouthed the words “Come here” in a whisper, sneakily closed in on you for a kiss which you gladly returned. You prodded your tongue into his mouth for good measure, in return, you could feel the smile in the middle of his kiss <em>and</em> feel his tongue dip into your own mouth.</p><p>When you pulled, you followed up with a little kiss on his forehead and found him staring back at you with his soulful, puppy eyes.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Nothing, it’s just… Have I told you how pretty you are?”</p><p>“Well, in the average count of at least twice a day, you’re short on one,” you played along.</p><p>The smirk that curled along his lip was tender albeit boyishly mischievous, he brushed away your hair to the back of your ear as he cooed.</p><p>“It’s your eyes that’s always been my favorite. You’re just so pretty, really.”</p><p>You smiled back, bit your lip at him and playfully patted his shoulder.</p><p>“I have to get this thing done if you wanna be on the move again,” you chuckled, then stood up from his lap to take the busted lightsaber from the table, he still had his grasp on you but smoothly slid off as you walked into the room.</p><p>Cal knew that you were the type of person who wants some time alone when working on something, he has been sensing the determination swelling in you ever since he asked you to repair it. You began taking it apart in a sequential order from the emitter to the sleeve on both sabers. More of the damage was seen when you’ve removed each part, especially the circuitry that’s nestled just underneath the switch—where the Jotaz had made its mark.</p><p>Apart from the destroyed wiring, the Jotaz also managed to sever the parts located within the second saber’s handle and majority of those parts conducted the power of the kyber, hence the short-lived flashing of the blade that you demonstrated to Cere minutes ago—and this only to name a few of the damages that the Jotaz has made on the saber.</p><p>“Wow, and I thought Nydaks were the worse ones,” you muttered under your breath. “Turns out they’re just the same, I suppose.”</p><p>Keeping your eyes glued on the cross-section of the lightsaber, your hands blindly rummaged on the toolbox for wire cutters and small tongs, then you pawed the storage compartment where the spare lightsaber parts are—to your dismay, there were a few internal parts that were lacking from the box.</p><p>This calls for some improvisation, and unfortunately, you’ve got little to work with.</p><p>You sigh at the realization that this is going to be a long day.</p><p>To save time, you decide that it was best to start with the ones that you can already take care of—such as replacing the wires. Your fingers gently tugged off the cooked and severed wires to replace the fresh ones, your fingers elaborately wrapped the strands together and fitted them through the narrow space between the pair of cycling field energizers.</p><p>It has been hours since you started working—two and a half hours at that, thanks to the damage done whether big or small—even so, you still feel like you haven’t done enough. You’ve poured all of your focus on the lightsaber that you didn’t sense Cal coming from behind. He slipped one arm around your waist.</p><p>“Hey,” he cooed, greeting you with a kiss on your cheek. “You’re awfully busy.”</p><p>“No thanks to that Jotaz, he didn’t exactly made this easy for me. Look!”</p><p>“Looks pretty bad,”</p><p>“That’s because it is, and I think I’d have to improvise on some of the parts. I just hope there’s spare internal parts in here,”</p><p>While he nestled his chin on your shoulder, you took some of the damaged parts and show him, out of the blue you were lecturing him about lightsaber components, what needs to be replaced, what parts are hard to find, and the like.</p><p>“Uh-huh…” he hummed, you felt his fingers brush away your hair from your shoulders and he teasingly planted kisses on your neck; goosebumps pelt your arms as the grip on both of your hands weakened.</p><p>“Cal,” you clicked your tongue, hinting the sternness in your voice.</p><p>He hummed again, his lips climbing their way from your jaw up to your cheeks while his free hand caressed the other side of your neck, his fingernails closely scratching the base of your scalp. By impulse, you slightly shift your neck to give more access for his lips.</p><p>“Not while I’m working,” you moaned.</p><p>He stopped but buried his face into the flesh of your shoulder. You chuckled suggestively and finally had the strength to pull away and twirled to face him.</p><p>“Playtime can wait,”</p><p>“<em>That</em> can wait,” he pointed over your shoulder with his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Both</em> can wait,” you fiddled with the buckles of his armor as you spoke. “I’d rather have nothing else on my mind by that time.”</p><p>“Alright then, princess. But you’ll be there for lunch, right? Greez is cooking something good—or so he says,”</p><p>“I will,”</p><p>You return to your work as soon as Cal left the room. You made a mental list of the parts that need replacing and continue with what you can at the moment. You contemplate what you can scavenge among the crates in that derelict hangar; if push comes to shove, then the Imperial bases situated in the mountains and even in the ice caves became options.</p><p>A couple more hours pass, you could hear Greez’s chatter accompanied with the clattering of plates and utensils—that’s the cue for dinner—and you start putting away the things in one corner.</p><p>“Lunch is ready,”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m coming,”</p><p>Cal scooped you up—you squealed in reaction—away from the workbench and easily marched out of the room with you in tow. The two of you made it to the table and had a helping of Greez’s stew. Of course, it’s not a meal without some conversation.</p><p>“So, [y/n],” Cere initiated. “How’s the lightsaber repair coming along?”</p><p>“Surprisingly tough,”</p><p>“Oh? How so?”</p><p>“The Jotaz that Cal fought managed to get its claws into the internal parts,”</p><p>“Like what?” Cal joined in before taking a spoonful of food into his mouth.</p><p>“The energy channel, you know that very narrow tube where the kyber’s energy goes through until the emitter? I still have to figure out how to fix that with what little we have in the inventory,”</p><p>Merrin, as inquisitive as she always is, asked more about the elaborate details in creating a Jedi’s weapon—answers came from the three of you, speaking from their own experiences. The conversation over meals became more animated as memories turned into stories to be shared over the table.</p><p>In your mind, you agreed to Cal that this was a good time to lay low for a while and take the time to avert yourself from action. It may or may not be indefinite, but at least you managed to rest your body and mind from all the strenuous action.</p><p>Immediately after dinner and helping with the dishes, you went to the derelict hangar and then ransacked the crates stashed there.</p><p>“Nerf fur… Mineral ores… Metals: large. No, that’s not it. Metals: parts and pieces, here we go!” you unconsciously read aloud the labels and exclaimed at the last one.</p><p>Upon opening the lid, your eyes lit up like a Weequay pirate finding a whole shipment of spices. There’s got to be several variants of metals in this box! You scooped up a handful of parts, take some little pickings that may fit your needs, and then returning them all back into the sea of parts—this cycle continued on for a time until you’ve ticked off majority in your mental list.</p><p>“Okay, that’s that,”</p><p>You returned to the ship and back into the workbench you went. Finally—and hopefully—having the much-needed parts. Cal paused from practicing on Cere’s hallikset to watch you come in the Mantis, acknowledge him with a smile and then disappeared into the room.</p><p>“Wow, she’s <em>really</em> busy with that. I hope she doesn’t stress herself over it,” Cal thought out loud, absentmindedly strumming the instrument.</p><p>The collected parts scattered on the workbench placemat and continued with the progress you’ve left behind. You were feeling good about this. Your hands were working at a brisk pace; while the lightsaber gradually returns to its original state, so did your confidence.</p><p>The final step was meditating over it—in a true Jedi fashion. Hovering both of your hands over the dormant lightsaber, you channeled your focus and your Force energy to the weapon. Images of the lightsaber, inside and out, flashed behind your eyes; you willed it to respond to your Force, remembering the teachings of Master Yoda from the time you participated in your Gathering.</p><p>“Please,” you mouthed, with only the ‘s’ whistling through the thin gap of your teeth.</p><p>
  <em>Click.</em>
</p><p>You slowly open your eyes and looked at the saber sitting still on the placemat. There was a pang of hesitation when you reached for the weapon.</p><p><em>Is this doubt I feel? It can’t be… Not when I’ve finished it!</em> You thought to yourself when your fingertip were mere centimeters away from touching the hilt.</p><p>Your fingers curled around the sleeve, then gently nestled the center of your thumb to the switch’s button. You mentally counted down from three, closed your eyes by the time you counted two, and then took a deep breath after whispering one. The weight of your thumb pressed against the button… and then hum of the blade sung once it was ignited.</p><p>It was a small feat, but an achievement nonetheless. You gently swung it around and its purr was silky smooth. You admired the beam, a blinding beacon inside the narrow bedroom… and then it died off voluntarily—along with your celebratory smile, in exchange, your eyes widened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Oh no… No, no… NO!</em> Your mind, anxious and panicked, screamed. You wanted to let the words out but you can’t because it’ll alarm the crew.</p><p>You covered your mouth with your entire hand, bottling up <em>all</em> of the emotions that’s thrashing and storming inside your core right now.</p><p>“No… That’s impossible! What went wrong?!” you gasped, the weapon shook in your trembling hand.</p><p>You set it down on the workbench again. You don’t know what to do first: tear it apart again and redo everything or mentally assess what steps you could’ve possibly mixed up. Though, to save your pride, you didn’t do the latter.</p><p>You were back to where you started—taking it apart piece by piece, except with the newly-replaced parts this time. You examined and inspected every single component that you’ve detached from the very structure of the saber and looked for possible errors.</p><p>Blinded by confusion, you can’t seem to find what’s wrong. Everything seemed to be in place. You can’t pinpoint what you may have overlooked. You repeated everything you did—and perhaps adjusting a little bit of the parts in each step—and then tested the ignition again.</p><p>The result remained the same: a short-lived flicker of the blade.</p><p>You couldn’t control yourself when you flung your fist to the workbench, hoping nobody from outside heard that—which they obviously did—you jerked your hand away and rubbed the sore part; all of a sudden, your heart felt heavy, your stomach churned, and your breathing was shaky and rapid.</p><p>“What’s the matter with me?”</p><p>Trying to relax even felt tedious. The doubt in your conscience was beginning to chew its way into you, but your fought it off along with the words that were gradually forming in your mind—the words that you dread to hear, even if it was just in your imagination.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>There was no concentration, no calmness… nothing.</p><p>Your mind was in a total disarray.</p><p>“This is bad,” you muttered fearfully.</p><p>You examined the disassembled lightsaber again, thought long and hard as you stared at it, and then wagered which of the new parts must be replaced to better, functioning ones. The next places that could possibly have some components are the Imperial station near the weathered monument and the ice caves. Asking Greez to take the Mantis to Coruscant is the farthest stretch of an option, so you put that as the last resort—even if the Jedi Temple has the best selection of parts, albeit abandoned.</p><p>“It’s highly likely graverobbers have looted the temple though,” you assessed.</p><p>Afraid to show your face, and scared to be incapable of answering Cal’s questions about his lightsaber, you couldn’t dare to step out of the room—though you <em>badly</em> need to if you want to get your components. You took a deep breath as if preparing yourself to speed through a row of Auger pulverizers, you rehearsed your general response if ever Cal asks, and coached yourself to keep your eyes on the door.</p><p>“Okay, just waltz out. Don’t maintain eye contact, eyes on the door. Just say you’re going out to get more parts, and that’s it. Simple.”</p><p>The line became your mantra in the next three minutes. Afterwards, you pulled yourself together and followed your mantra physically to a tee.</p><p>“I’m going out again, just need more parts,”</p><p>You practically ate your words as you briskly walked past Cal sitting on the couch with Cere in the middle of a hallikset lesson. The two Jedi followed you with their eyes until you disappeared out of the ship. Cal was able to sense something from you, it was faint yet noticeable; he contemplated whether to bring it up to you or wait and see if it would worsen or subside.</p><p>You gave the shed on the edge of the landing pad a try, but it turned out to be a disappointment when it was just crates of the same materials as the ones in the derelict hangar; and so off you go to where you needed to be.</p><p>You take the shortcut at the turbine facility leading out to the ice slide before the weathered monument. You surprisingly mowed down the dispatched unit of Stormtroopers just on the other side of that blaster door.</p><p>“Okay, gotta get to that station fast,” you tell yourself.</p><p>You’ve reached your destination: the Imperial command center with a landing platform. You had hoped that with a station this big, you hoped you’d find something worth of all this short trip.</p><p>You took every Stormtrooper stationed there singlehandedly by surprise; banking their shots right back at them until all that remains is the black R2 unit strolling across the metal halls.</p><p>Now that you’re in the clear, you scoured all of the supply crates that you can find, taking apart the control panels and power terminals for possible substitutes, and even harvesting the parts of a Stormtrooper’s blaster and a Scout Trooper’s staff. By sheer luck, the staff ran on a diatium power cell and prayed that this could be your key to <em>actually </em>fixing the saber.</p><p>When you got back, you came in with such a burst that the crew just watched you speed past them. Understandably so, you were too indulged in getting that lightsaber fixed—but they don’t know that you’re protecting your ugly secret of busting it a second time after the Jotaz did.</p><p>Cal walked in on you and found you on your second attempt.</p><p>“[y/n]?”</p><p>You jumped, startled by the softest call of your name.</p><p>“You startled me right there!” you gasped, clutching on your chest while sucking in air.</p><p>“Oh sorry, I figured you didn’t hear me the first time so I went closer. Sorry…”</p><p>“It’s okay,” you tried to hide the saber by blocking his view of it with your back. “Look, it’s not ready yet. I thought I finished it but turns out I had to do it again. I… I’m still fitting the power cells underneath the sleeve of the second saber.”</p><p>“Look, I’m more worried about <em>you</em> than the saber itself. Could you please do me a favor and don’t stress out on this? Like I said: don’t rush on this.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I… I suppose I just got a bit worked up. Won’t rest until the job’s done—force of habit.”</p><p>He raised his lips to your forehead.</p><p>“Well, there’s no need to be worked up, okay?”</p><p>You nodded and replied in a hushed tone. He dismissed himself, saying Cere owes him another hour of hallikset lessons, and then walked out of the bedroom, leaving you again with his busted saber and in your solitude.</p><p>More hours have passed, at this point in time, your confidence has deteriorated. While the power-related parts—namely the diatium power cell, conductor, power vortex ring, and inert power insulator—were finally replaced with the whole, new ones supplied by your inventory and the ones you’ve picked up, it appeared that they weren’t the answers to your question.</p><p>You repeated again, tweaking some of the parts that you assumed could have gone wrong.</p><p>The same feeling that you had on the first attempt return—only this time, it was five times worse on the third <em>and</em> fourth tries. You wished that you knew what the problem was.</p><p>“No… NO!” you growled, pounding the edge of the worktable out of frustration. The force of your outburst was so strong that you managed to make the thin pipe railings creak.</p><p>The crew kept it quiet between one another whenever they would hear one of your outbursts: the grunts, startled cries, and groans of frustration. An hour later, you were still stuck in the loop of trying to figure out the mistake. Cal decided to pull you away from that spiraling mess you’ve gotten into.</p><p>“[y/n]…?” he called as he knocked. “Dinner’s ready. Are you coming?”</p><p>“N-No, Cal… I… I’m not hungry,” you spoke to him through the sealed door, your voice is muffled but still coherent. “I’m not hungry.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes. Sorry, Cal. Please, I just want some time alone to finish this,”</p><p>“Alright then. Call me if you need anything, okay?”</p><p>“Oh… okay. Thanks, Cal…”</p><p>Cal appeared out of the small annex to join the crew at the dinner table. Cere started to get worried when he appeared without you.</p><p> “Where’s [y/n]?”</p><p>He repeated your reason to everyone as he took his seat. There was awkward air that somehow exuded the empty chair next to Cal—where you usually sit.</p><p>Cal left some food for you and personally put them away on his own after dinner. Cere watched him prepare your serving in case you finally decide to come out of the room and eat, as he sealed off the food container, she confronted him gently.</p><p>“Cal, is [y/n] okay? She’s been acting… unusual lately. She’s been locked up in your room for hours now and missed dinner. The last time we saw her outside that room is when she came to scavenge for spare parts.”</p><p>“Something’s off about her ever since the last time she went out. She didn’t even open the door to talk to me, she just spoke through the door. I didn’t think that she’d put <em>that</em> much pressure on herself to repair my lightsaber… but now I do.”</p><p>“Go talk to her. I am absolutely sure she needs it,” Cere clapped him on the shoulder before retreating to the cockpit.</p><p>While they were eating, you have already gone through your fifth attempt. You’ve given up in the middle of the sixth try and ended up sitting on the floor, hugging your knees, and just succumb to crying. When Cal got close enough, he could hear you weeping in the room and that further confirmed his presumption about you.</p><p>He knocked on the door again, calling your name.</p><p>“Come on, I saved you some dinner,” he coaxed. “Greez made your favorite.”</p><p>“Please just… go away, Cal…” you replied.</p><p>Cal noticed the change of tone in your voice and the sniffles.</p><p>“No, I won’t,”</p><p>The two of you conversed with a sealed blast door in the middle. You wanted it that way because you didn’t want him to see the teary-eyed mess that you are and his still-busted lightsaber.</p><p>“Look, I couldn’t fix your lightsaber; I could have broken it but not on purpose—you should be hating me right now!”</p><p>“I don’t hate you,” he coolly said. “I could never hate you.”</p><p>There was no response from your end at the door, you buried your face in your knees in shame, letting tears pool on your pant legs in the process. He decided to open the door via the control keypad on his side. When the door whizzed open, he saw you curled up on the floor by the workbench; you didn’t look to him when he got in.</p><p>“Oh, [y/n]…” he purred, sitting on the floor and then taking you into his arms.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I thought I could do it…!” you sobbed. “I didn’t mean to break it, honest. I really wanted to fix it but I just couldn’t… I thought I could!”</p><p>He shushed. He rested his cheek over your head after kissing your forehead. “Please don’t cry. It’s okay. I’m not mad, I promise.”</p><p>“I was too afraid to ask help from you…” you hiccupped. “I was afraid you’d think of me as incompetent.”</p><p>“Aww, no,” he cooed. “Baby, no—I’d never think of you as something like that! What made you think that?”</p><p>“Cal, look at me: I’m a Jedi who <em>can’t</em> fix a lightsaber! I’m the perfect definition of that word. What else would I call myself if I’m incapable of rebuilding the most vital part of a Jedi?”</p><p>He cradled your head to his chest and allowed you to let it all out whether through tears or lashing out.</p><p>“You know, back in Dathomir—when I was opening the door to the Tomb of Kujet—I got myself into a Force vision,”</p><p>You listened, prompting him to continue with soft grunts.</p><p>“Master Tapal was standing there in front of me. When he saw that I didn’t fight back, he said something to me,”</p><p>“What was that?” you asked, your voice has calmed down and the sobbing hiccups have gotten lesser.</p><p>“He told me that persistence reveals the path. And you know what I’ve gotten from that?”</p><p>You look up at him to find sincere eyes staring back lovingly at you and a small yet reassuring smile. The word “What?” was a mere blow of air between your lips when you urged him to continue.</p><p>“When failure hasn’t deterred you from trying again and again, no matter how many times,” he spoke as he stroked your hair. “You’ll find your answer at the end of the path sooner than you think.”</p><p>“But I’m afraid. I’m afraid to fail… like I always have been, secretly.”</p><p>“But have you<em> really</em> given up?”</p><p>Your eyes wandered blankly into space, pondering on his question as well as your own answer—the true answer. Your eyebrows furrowed as you somberly reflected upon it. In response, you shake your head. You promptly stood up from the floor, Cal followed and stood by your side; you let him watch you work and to his surprise, you’ve picked up a soldering iron you found back in the Imperial command center.</p><p>From time to time, he would help out in certain parts of rebuilding it—handing out the parts and components that you need, giving you an extra hand when needing to hold something really still until you’ve perfectly fitted it into place as well as helping with a few of the trickier steps in the procedure.</p><p>The last part of fixing it was refitting the blade energy chamber—the narrow tube that bridges the kyber crystal and the emitter—and when you presume everything is <em>finally</em> done, Cal let you do the honors of meditating once more on the lightsaber.</p><p>“Go on,” he coaxed. “Relax and concentrate.”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>It may not be yours, indeed, but your connection with Cal—that you have unconsciously overlooked and shut out this whole time—was soothing the whole time up until this very moment. For a moment, that anxiety that was flooding your entire being was gone and all you could think of was thoughts that signify tranquility: the waterfalls, the sunrise at Bogano, the empty abode, and even an image of Cal himself.</p><p>
  <em>Click…</em>
</p><p>Your heart skipped a beat when you hear that tiniest of sounds. You fought off the hesitation of opening your eyes. In face value, the lightsaber looked normal. You stared blankly at it, not even realizing that your hand was gravitating to it; once again, your fingers clamped around the handle and lifted it up from the workbench placemat. You shoot a look at Cal.</p><p>“Together?”</p><p>He placed his hand over your hand, his thumb over yours on the switch.</p><p>“Together.”</p><p>He squeezed on your thumb downwards, subsequently doubling onto the pressure applied on the switch button. A sharp buzz snarled out of the polished hilt. Cal removed his hand from the hilt and stood back, while examining the beam of light that shone in the room. You exchanged glances with him, you swallowed the nervous lump in your throat, and your heart was pounding that you couldn’t catch up with your breathing. Steadily, you waved the weapon around the small space where you stood.</p><p>More than ten seconds have passed and the blade of light didn’t die out. Your official sixth attempt finally was a success!</p><p>You exhaled laughingly. <em>Finally!</em> You thought. <em>We did it!</em></p><p>You looked over the blade and found Cal smiling with a sense of pride in you. You pressed the switch again and the blade retracted back into the emitter to set it down on the workbench. You hopped toward Cal and—in an uncontrollable urge—threw yourself in his arms.</p><p>“We did it!” you beamed, relieved and happy.</p><p>“But <em>you</em> did most of the work, I only helped on the sidelines,”</p><p>“Don’t be silly. Well… <em>I </em>was silly myself,” you shrugged. “I guess I had too much pride earlier. Thanks, Cal, you’ve helped me a whole lot—more than enough, in fact.”</p><p>You yawned and rubbed your eyes, apologizing thereafter.</p><p>“It’s okay, sweetie, rest as much as you need. I’ll be here,” Cal planted another kiss on your head as he cradled you like a baby, trapping you in an embrace as your puffy eyes felt heavy. He continued to stroke your hair until you drifted off to sleep. “I’ll always be here. I promise.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>